Today is Mothering Sunday in this part of the world. It's a weird feeling, because although I'm a mother myself - I could easily be a grandmother - I still feel a daughter on this day. I find this very strange because my mother has been gone for eleven years, and although I frequently talk to her, I know she's not around any more. She died in the spring and her ashes were scattered among the bluebells in a wood she and my father loved (he's there with her now). I always feel very close to her when the bluebells start to come through as they are now, with promise of a mass of blue on the hillside behind my house as spring progresses.
6 comments:
I agree with you about feeling odd not to have my mum around any more to send a card to or phone up or go and see. I don't think I'll ever feel quite old enough to fit my years.
Clever old you with the flashing flowers!
Mother
On that night
I realized something
I had never learnt anything
I had never known anything
I had never felt anything
A thousand little hurts
tumbled out of my heart
and the loss of her
sank in like a ship
being launched on the Clyde
that's how I felt
on the night she died
And in the morning
adrift on the swell
of unfamiliar emotion
unwilling to release her
to that eternal ocean.
Thank you for sharing the lovely poem, Jimmy :)
I too was feeling rather strange yesterday. Although I was ten when my mother died, there is still a huge emptiness in my life and being in Glasgow felt even worse because I couldn't put flowers on her grave.
'Every day is a fresh beginning,
Listen my soul to the glad refrain.
And, spite of old sorrows
And older sinning,
Troubles forecasted
And possible pain,
Take heart with the day and begin again!' (Susan Coolidge)
Duffy, it must be terrible to lose your mum at such a tender age. I feel the emptiness still after all this time, even though I was adult when my mum died.
Like the little poem says, live each day as new and exciting and don't worry about not being able to visit. A grave is only a focus for the memory and you can remember anywhere at all.
My mum has a habit of popping up if I leave my bed unmade or say 'fuck' *g*
My sister, whom I live with, is the double of my mother and even calls out my name the same way, so I find that quite comforting to know she lives on.
It was only during the summer that I started visiting my mother's grave. I used to find it really hard - being so young. But, there is something quite comforting about it now. Maybe it's because I'm older. Or maybe I've just learned to accept it...
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